In this world, there are three kinds of people. The first kind says what’s on their mind directly. The second kind has things to say but keeps quiet. The third kind has things to say but says them sideways.
If something like depth of character (城府 — the art of concealing one’s thoughts) truly exists, then the latter group undoubtedly possesses more of it than the former. But speaking or not speaking is not the endpoint. Knowing how to say exactly the right thing at the right moment — that is the key.
Not only must you guard your mouth, you must guard your heart.
The act of speaking is sometimes a struggle against yourself — a grueling, relentless struggle. In the end, most people lose to themselves.
So the prerequisite for knowing how to speak is knowing when not to speak. And the purpose of not speaking is to restrain the very impulse to do so.
Many people insist they won’t say something — yet their actions betray their words every time. They can’t hold back, blurt it out anyway, offend someone in the process, and expose their own hand all at once.
When dealing with others: if you have nothing on your mind, the worst that happens is an awkward silence. But if you have something to say and simply cannot say it — that is the kind of thing that will suffocate you.
There is a method for this. It was invented by Confucius. When writing the Spring and Autumn Annals (春秋), he witnessed some brutal historical truths. He found it impossible to reconcile himself to what he saw — yet his position constrained him, and his temperament wouldn’t let him stay silent. So what did he do?
He invented what we now call the “Spring and Autumn writing style” (春秋笔法), with two defining characteristics.
The first: subtle words, profound meaning (微言大义). With just a few brushstrokes — sometimes a single character — he made his position unmistakably clear.
The second: meaning between the lines (弦外之音). He knew the truth behind certain historical records — including the questionable motivations of key figures — but he couldn’t say it outright. So he deliberately placed two accounts side by side, intentionally leaving gaps, inviting readers to draw their own conclusions.
Here’s how to apply them in everyday life:
For subtle words with profound meaning: if you disagree with someone’s view, you don’t need to say so directly. A simple “Mm” or “I see” is enough. Concise, yet your position is crystal clear.
For meaning between the lines: suppose you clearly disagree with someone, but you won’t say it plainly. Instead, give them a deliberate, weighted look and say — with just enough implication — “You really are a straight shooter, aren’t you.” Let them figure out the rest. After all, the final interpretation is yours to own.
So when it comes to expressing your views, the Spring and Autumn method means speaking indirectly — keeping your mouth in check, never saying things plainly.
And what is the absolute worst way to express yourself? It’s what everyone already knows: “I think you’re wrong.” One sentence, and you’ve hurt the other person’s face while sacrificing your own dignity. Truly not worth it.