“Uncle, I feel like nothing has been going my way this year — I could even say I’ve accomplished nothing at all. It’s honestly gotten me pretty down.”
A reader sent me this message yesterday in a private note. I sat with it for a while and decided to respond — I hope it helps untangle what’s weighing on your heart.
First, I think we Chinese people share one great strength — and one great weakness.
And that is: we always feel that in this one life, we must achieve something great — otherwise, we’ve let ourselves down.
Look at the arc from childhood onward: excel in school, become a person of talent, build a family, achieve success, earn a name, leave your mark. The word “成” (chéng — to become, to achieve) wraps itself around our entire lives.
The result? Any year you don’t make something happen, don’t turn heads with some accomplishment — your mood completely craters.
But the truth is, life doesn’t have to work this way.
I’m not telling you to lie flat and give up. What I’m saying is: you need to understand that life at its core is a journey, not a competition.
That means the hustle has its own brilliance — and leisure has its own happiness.
Don’t be fooled by how intensely I throw myself into work. When it’s time to rest, I genuinely just set my phone to Do Not Disturb, find a quiet place, and let my mind go completely empty.
I know these past couple of years have brought plenty of disappointments and regrets for all of us. But life — that’s just how it is. It will always have its ups and downs, its moments where you give everything you have and still come up short.
So there is absolutely no reason to feel like you’re failing just because a few years haven’t gone your way.
Have you ever considered that destiny (命运) might actually be arranging this rest for you — calling you back to your family, back to life, back to yourself?
So why not go with the current? Chat more with family, play and laugh with your kids, show up for your friends.
Above all — learn to let yourself off the hook.
Not achieving success? That’s fine. But you must achieve yourself. Achieve joy. Achieve health.
That is the true great achievement of a life. [embrace]