Student Question
Hello, Master Chi. I’ve been a member of the community for about three months now, and I’ve grown a great deal during that time. I’m now thinking about starting my own business. A close friend of mine has resources and connections, and I’d like to collaborate with him. Although we’re in regular contact, I get the sense he hasn’t really considered adopting my proposal. I’d like to ask for your guidance on how to resolve this.
Master Chi’s Response
In our lives, there are roughly three types of relationships.
The first is based on blood ties — parents and relatives, for instance. These determine where we start in life.
The second is based on marriage, forming bonds through family-in-law connections.
But together, these two types account for only a small fraction of the relationships we navigate throughout our lives.
The majority belong to a third type.
In the workplace, for example, there are hierarchical relationships between superiors and subordinates.
More broadly — say you want to start a business, but you lack funding or connections and need to find someone to partner with. On the surface it looks like a collaboration discussion, but in reality…
You may be in the weaker position — meaning you’re the one seeking help from someone else.
This, too, falls under a hierarchical relationship.
The same applies to close friendships, mentor-student bonds, startup partnerships, and so on.
Sometimes everyone in these dynamics is on equal footing. Sometimes we hold the stronger position. And sometimes we’re at a disadvantage.
But more often than not, when we’re at a disadvantage, the relationship becomes the hardest to manage.
That’s when we play the role of the persuader.
Why would someone give you a prime position, their resources, or their capital?
This is one of the great challenges we cannot avoid in life.
In this process, certain misalignments tend to emerge.
Some people are constantly around their superiors, yet never develop a genuinely close relationship with them.
Others offer brilliant ideas and strategies while at a company, only to receive no recognition — and the moment they leave, the superior starts thinking about them and wants them back.
The truth is, when these situations go wrong, the root cause is almost always the same:
You haven’t understood what the other person actually cares about at heart.
You haven’t forged a real connection between yourself and them.
So how do you connect?
First, through character and integrity. Second, by aligning interests so that you become part of the same team. Third, through a relationship of mutual benefit — one built so close and seamlessly that you can move in any direction with ease.
Take a startup with a few partners, for instance. The dynamic generally falls into three categories.
The first: inseparable alignment. Everyone is thinking the same thoughts and pulling in the same direction. This is the ideal state — like having a powerful backer in the workplace.
The second: the project starts making money, and on the surface someone’s relationship with you still looks warm. But inwardly, they’ve already started thinking about going solo — quietly beginning their own plans behind the scenes.
The third: someone whose surface relationship with you may not appear especially close. They’ll point out your flaws and mistakes directly. Yet in every matter, they’re truly looking out for you.
The other person’s inner world cannot be entered easily. Sometimes we can only reach their thoughts through words.
Think of it like a lock — opening a lock means inserting a key into its mechanism and turning it from within.
The words we speak are meant to be heard by the other person, to penetrate their interior. But a lock won’t open just because you say the right things. What the other person needs isn’t your words — it’s a solution to their problem. That means strategy (moulüe).
Only by first getting inside the other person — making them willing to keep listening — can you truly connect with them. Then, and only then, do you present your plan and your solutions. Keep yourself in the background.
At the same time, your strategy must align with the other person’s inclinations.
Say you have a good idea at work that you want to bring to your superior. When you do, make sure you’ve quietly thought through every angle — especially the feasibility. Only speak when you believe it’s viable. And when you do speak, explain the gains and the risks clearly, so the other person has no cause for suspicion and feels your sincerity. When offering counsel, be timely. And make sure it resonates with what they actually want.
For example — if you’re asking someone to join you in a startup venture, make the benefits clear. And if there are concerns they might have, address those directly as well.
If the other person doesn’t take your suggestion, it means the timing was off. Go back and reconsider, adapt to the real situation, and revise your approach.
Throughout this process, be mindful of your method. When the conversation touches on things from the other person’s past, affirm what they did right. When it turns to the future, focus on what may change — and offer fresh, distinctive perspectives they haven’t considered before.
When you’re asking someone to invest, they’re doing so based on future returns. Give them something new and compelling to look toward.
Change your strategy when needed. And to do that, you must build deep knowledge of the relevant industry.
Because once you enter a partnership, if your capabilities are lacking, you won’t be able to carry the plan forward — and you won’t be able to shoulder the responsibility it demands.