If your child is an international student, then as a parent, you absolutely must read today’s article in full. It holds real value — for your child and for your family’s future.
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Today’s topic came from something a reader said to me two weeks ago, when she came to me in tears.
Her situation is a classic one. She had worked hard her entire life, and when the time came, she decided that sending her child overseas to study was the best thing she could do. So she did exactly that.
Two years into her child’s studies in North America, she received news that shook her to the core: her child had failed too many courses and been expelled from the university.
But what shook her even more came during the conversation that followed. Her child made it clear that at this stage, they wanted to take time off — to take what they called a “gap year” to heal from inner wounds. As for what comes next? That could wait.
And naturally, all living expenses during this period would fall on the parents.
Without a moment’s hesitation, she came to me seeking guidance, hoping I could offer some direction based on her child’s situation and life pattern (destiny framework).
Working through her reading, I arrived at a number of insights I want to share with you. Over the years, no shortage of families have sent children abroad for education. There are things you really do need to know.
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I am firmly opposed to sending children with poor academic records overseas to study.
The cases where families spend enormous sums of money, come away with no degree, and watch their child’s life go sideways — these almost always happen to children in this category.
Think about it: a young person who consistently ranks at the bottom of their class is, at the core, someone who lacks self-discipline and academic resilience. Now take that same young person and place them alone in a completely unconstrained environment, with plenty of money — do you honestly believe they’re going to buckle down and study?
For a child like this, regardless of what their destiny chart shows, I would encourage the family to first have them learn a trade domestically. Let them get knocked around a bit in the real world. When they’ve truly experienced hardship and come to understand their own limitations, then consider a focused overseas program that builds on their practical skills. That’s when it actually produces results.
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I have lived abroad for many, many years, and I know firsthand how dramatically the reality of overseas student life has changed.
Here’s a detail most people don’t know: why did overseas students from the 1990–2010 period carry such credibility and real-world value?
The reason is simple. In those days, most families weren’t wealthy. Going abroad to study was itself a high-stakes gamble. The vast majority of families couldn’t fully cover tuition and living expenses even after sending their child, which meant most overseas students were studying frantically while working part-time to survive.
Every one of them was fighting with their backs against the wall. And because of that, they were tested by real hardship — their willpower and drive to get ahead were exceptionally strong.
So whenever friends tell me they’re thinking of sending their child overseas, my message is always the same: don’t give them too much money. Enough for tuition and basic living — if they feel it’s not enough, let them figure out how to earn the rest within legal bounds.
Let them experience some of life’s storms. Don’t raise a child too soft to handle adversity — one who grows up thinking it’s their parents’ job to foot the bill for the rest of their life.
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Another thing I feel strongly about: don’t let the parent-child relationship become like a kite with a broken string the moment your child goes abroad — where the only thread between you is the money you transfer over.
If that’s all there is, the odds of that child going astray increase sharply.
Some parents who come to me for their child’s destiny reading are quite wise about this. They’ll ask: beyond academics, what else can be cultivated during the student years? What should we pay attention to?
I genuinely welcome that kind of question. I’ll take the time to walk carefully through the child’s life pattern and lay out what the child can meaningfully work toward or explore during those four years at university.
When parents and children are in regular communication — when there’s consistent encouragement and genuine praise — children build real confidence. They become far less susceptible to the negative influences that are everywhere.
The specifics range from the foundational — getting a driver’s license, working part-time jobs — to more intentional efforts: engaging with diverse social circles, broadening their perspective, building connections, and exploring potential directions for the future.
I won’t claim a perfect record. But I can say that many of my readers, after receiving these detailed reminders, immediately found clarity around how to structure their child’s life beyond the classroom during those four years. Across the board, those children grew up remarkably well.
When they returned home, most faced no real difficulty with employment or getting on their feet. They had truly “returned with knowledge in hand.”
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As for recommended directions to pursue overseas — I can’t offer specific advice without knowing a child’s individual situation.
Let me offer a brief summary instead, and how much you take from it depends entirely on you:
Career first. Career first. Career first. Make securing a stable livelihood your absolute top priority — and I say this plainly, without dressing it up.
No matter how comfortable your family’s circumstances are, anchor everything to the rice bowl first.
Interests, passions, dreams — those are conversations to have once you’re fed and living independently.
The people who truly have dreams and genuine ambition are, more often than not, the ones who first built a solid economic foundation — and then went on to pursue those dreams from a place of ease and security.
Remember that.