The point of this article lies neither in the question nor in the answer — it lies in your own reflection.
So please, after reading this, leave a comment sharing your advice for the person asking the question. The words may be written for someone else, but the clarity of thought you develop in writing them will benefit you.
Why is this article so special that Master Chi specifically invites you to join the discussion? Because its core message is truly timeless — enough to wake up 90% of the women out there who have been dragged down and wounded by their families.
Student Question:
Dear Master, I have been reading your articles for a long time and have gained so many insights and so much knowledge from them. Please accept my sincere gratitude.
However, I find myself stuck in an embarrassing and rather shameful predicament. For nine years since I married, I feel I have been gradually pushing myself deeper and deeper into a hole.
Truly — I have become more and more useless, more and more incompetent, more and more miserable.
Let me give you some background. My husband and I met after we entered the workforce. We were considered a well-matched couple at the time. I’m not embarrassed to admit it: the younger me, ten years ago, was genuinely attractive — a fox-like face, 168 cm tall, a D cup, a wasp waist, and a full figure. I was widely recognized as a beauty in our social circle. My husband at the time was a young mid-level manager at a local Shenzhen financial institution with a very promising future — that was exactly what I saw in him.
Ten years have passed. He did, indeed, rise steadily through the ranks, eventually striking out on his own and building a successful business.
But one thing I never anticipated: over these years, especially after having our baby, my voice and standing within the family have slowly eroded.
You could say I live a comfortable life — we live in a near-luxury apartment, I have a driver when I go out. But whether it’s my husband or my in-laws, there is an undercurrent of treating me like a high-end nanny. It’s not harsh, just suffocating. Even our children — a boy and a girl — have started treating me like a servant.
And yet I give everything to every member of this family. I pour my heart and soul into every detail of daily life, leaving nothing to chance. Does the fact that I rely on my husband financially mean I deserve to be looked down on like this?
I feel like a complete fool — a used-up nobody who doesn’t even get a shred of gratitude in return.
I truly don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. Please, Master Chi, I beg for your guidance. With deepest gratitude.
Master Chi’s Response:
My dear, the reason I’ve chosen to single out your question for a public answer today is precisely because your situation is so representative.
Do you understand? Your diminished status in the home, your unhappiness in marriage — the moment you threw yourself entirely into domestic labor, that fate was already sealed.
Because from the moment you started living off your husband, you had already begun a long, slow surgery of self-castration.
What you’re experiencing now is the inevitable bitter harvest of years of self-diminishment.
You see, the kind and submissive invite exploitation. You wanted so badly to be the family servant — to earn respect through repetitive, low-grade labor. That has always been a fantasy. If you understood even the basics of human nature, you would know that every ounce of your effort was destined to follow this evolution in his mind:
Early stage: “Ah, my dear — she’s willing to cook all these wonderful meals and handle all the housework for me!”
Middle stage: “Mm, well, she’s supposed to do these things. After all, I’m the main breadwinner.”
Late stage: “I’m so busy every day, and all she has to do is some housework — and there are still so many problems? What is she even doing?!”
That is the inevitable process. That is the inevitable result.
Perhaps one day your husband will suddenly wake up and realize: the only reason I’ve been able to charge full-speed ahead in my career, and enjoy myself outside without a care in the world, is because I have a tireless wife holding everything together at home.
Perhaps one day your children will suddenly wake up and realize: the only reason I have food on the table, clean clothes, no worries, and all my needs met is because I have a hard-working mother.
Maybe they’ll reach that realization. But that’s up to fate. And even if they do, at best they’ll be intermittently grateful and chronically consuming.
But you can’t blame anyone else — because you yourself willingly lowered your standing to the level of dust.
The good news is your situation hasn’t deteriorated beyond saving. In fact, one line is enough to serve as the prescription that pulls you out of this sea of suffering:
Set rules. Improve yourself.
Unclear what that means? No problem — let me translate it for you.
First, adjust your self-positioning. Do whatever it takes to break free from the trap of “wife in name, nanny in practice” — with no exceptions and no hesitation.
The household chores that your family considers your natural duty? Handle them adequately. Do not, under any circumstances, feel compelled to pursue perfection. Because this is the kind of trap where doing a 6/10 job takes one hour a day, and doing a 9/10 job takes five hours — for zero additional return. It is a black hole for your energy.
If anyone isn’t satisfied, listen to their complaint, then tell them: “I think you make a valid point. You should handle it then — I simply can’t do it to that standard.” Everyone has hands and feet. Why is it that you can do these things but they cannot?
The same principle applies to parenting. You must practice restraint and discipline. No indulging.
Don’t worry about picky eating. Don’t stress about balanced nutrition. Cook what’s convenient for you — as long as there are grains, protein, and vegetables, that’s enough. If you’re worried about nutrition, give them a multivitamin and a calcium tablet each day. Non-negotiable.
From early on, teach your children to take on basic household responsibilities: wash their own bowl after eating, put their towel and dirty clothes in the laundry basket after bathing, set their own alarm clock in the morning, and report weekly what household supplies need to be bought.
No compliance, no food. No good behavior, no rewards. No listening, no protection from consequences.
They are your children — not your masters.
What’s that? You think your children are too young, or that doing chores will interfere with their studies?
I’m sorry, but that only means you’re truly addicted to serving others — and you’ll likely end up with the classic outcome of the over-indulgent mother who raises ungrateful children.
Let me be direct: in any family of strong character and material comfort, the household rules are well-maintained. Every member learns the rules from a young age, with no coddling and no exceptions, regardless of gender.
As a result, every person in such a family can fully realize their own worth — instead of having one person sacrifice their future for the sake of everyone else’s comfort.
I don’t share this perspective only with you today. I have shared it with many of my close friends, especially men. Most of them strongly agreed — because any man who has achieved something, or who has ambition, does not want his wife to become a woman who knows nothing beyond household gossip and supermarket discounts. He wants a capable partner who can support him in his career and social world.
Not to mention women — many of them were once just like you: lost after marriage, having placed themselves in an unnecessarily low position, burning themselves out endlessly without earning an ounce of respect or understanding.
But after hitting rock bottom, they immediately repositioned themselves and began truly living for themselves.
Strangely enough, after that shift, all of their problems vanished overnight. Marriages returned to the right track. Children stopped being a burden. Dignity and financial autonomy returned to their hands.
As the saying goes: seek peace through struggle, and peace endures; seek peace through compromise, and peace perishes.
This is a timeless political truth — and in the arena of everyday life, it cuts even deeper.
Then comes the second part: improve yourself.
A woman’s path of spiritual cultivation (修行) is simple and pure — it comes down to a few core goals:
Career: You must have your own primary vocation and a social circle that matches it. The amount you earn doesn’t matter. What matters is that you don’t become cut off from society — a stranded islander whose world shrinks to domestic chores. If you let that happen, no matter how vibrant you once were, three years of stagnation will turn even the sharpest mind into a slow-thinking, rigid woman.
Body: Never neglect your health and appearance. A woman’s physical presence is not her only card to play — but it is absolutely her core card. A woman who is shapeless and haggard by her thirties or forties gives her husband a sense of complete security — because he knows clearly that you have no options outside of making do with him. That naturally produces no urgency in him, and no emotional investment to follow.
Inner life: Never resign yourself to the idea that you are only fit to be defined by housework, worries, and family burdens. The books you should be reading, the films you should be watching, the places you should be seeing, the circles you should be joining — none of these can be left behind. Think back carefully, and you’ll realize: the women who still radiate a youthful spirit at forty or fifty have kept their inner selves free. They are joyful, and they are cherished and respected by those around them.
These few goals, cultivated properly, are the cure.
Not long ago, a woman reader came to me for a destiny reading (命理) and raised the exact same problem as yours. I gave her the same advice.
Within just six months, everything had turned around.
First, her husband began to respect her. A woman who earns her own income and takes care of herself is far more attractive than a disheveled housewife — both within the home and beyond. A man will only truly value and want to hold onto you when he feels the risk of losing you.
Then, her children became cooperative and respectful. An accomplished mother carries far more authority and serves as a far more compelling role model than a woman whose only known function is cleaning, washing, and buying. Children only listen to you when they respect your ability. Otherwise, in their eyes, you’re just a woman who can’t survive without her husband’s money.
That may sound harsh. But every word is true, and every word goes straight to the heart.
The rest of this space I leave for you — my readers — to share your thoughts in the comments.
Remember: be direct, be unflinching, no topic is off-limits. Just make every word count.