Being single in a big city is stressful — what do you do about it? This one’s for anyone wrestling with whether to stay or go home. Applies to men and women alike.
There’s an old saying: If your clan has standing, stay in your homeland; if your family is poor, venture out to distant places. Whether you stay in the big city or return home comes down to two key indicators:
A. Where can you access more resources? B. Does your ambition match your actual ability?
On A: If you’re the local elite back home — the “county Brahmin,” so to speak — with far more resources waiting for you there than anything you’d cobble together alone in the big city, then go home without hesitation. Your standard of living in your hometown will likely surpass what you’d manage in the city. Out here, you’re just scraping by. Back home, you’d have everything.
But if that’s not you — if there’s nothing at home to support you — then look at B: Is your ambition big enough?
If you’re someone with little attachment to your hometown, with weak family bonds (六亲缘淡), someone who goes back only to leave again — the reason is this: your achievements out in the world will be greater. That pull, that gravity, keeps drawing you outward. Then you’ve chosen right. Build your own career, keep growing, and your parents may eventually stop nagging.
If you have ambition, then ability must keep pace — ability is what turns ambition into reality. With that match, you can access more resources in the big city, put down lasting roots, and even relocate your next generation here. This is what we call turning fate around against all odds (逆天改命).
But if your ability isn’t there yet, and you keep cycling through disappointment and self-blame, perhaps it’s time to recalibrate: Do I truly have what it takes to back up my ambitions? Or is my ego simply running ahead of my capability? Get honest with yourself — and reality will show you whether to stay or go.
The above is my basic conclusion, drawn from over a thousand hours of consultations reading individuals’ choices about where to settle. Every case requires its own analysis. But matching the three dimensions of Resources, Ambition, and Ability — that framework rarely leads you wrong.