This afternoon, a distant cousin of mine suddenly sent me a message, asking if I could spare about fifteen minutes — he had something he wanted to talk through with me.
The moment I heard that, I set aside everything I was working on and told him: whatever was weighing on him, he should just speak freely. We’re family — anything I can do to help, I’ll give it my full effort.
Because I know my cousin well. Since childhood, he’s been a gentle, unassuming, hardworking person. Whenever something good came along, he always put family and friends before himself, never once mentioning his own sacrifices out loud — as if taking care of the people around him was simply what he was supposed to do.
After his parents divorced, he stayed with our family for a period of time. Even then, alongside his studies, he’d find spare moments to help with household chores big and small, and he always looked out for me in everyday life. A truly good-hearted, genuine, and sincere person.
So even as adults, after we each went our separate ways — he chose a steady, grounded path for himself — our bond remained strong.
And that’s exactly why, the moment he reached out, I took it seriously. I know him: he would never come to me over something trivial.
But thankfully, once he actually spoke, my heart settled.
Here’s what happened: he’s now well into his forties, and out of the blue, the foreign company he’d been working for underwent a structural reorganization. In all likelihood, his position wouldn’t survive the cuts.
He’d receive a solid severance package — but at his age, the situation is awkward, to say the least.
On one hand, going back out to find new work at this stage is no easy thing. You know what it’s like out there — who’s going to give a man in his mid-forties a real chance? On top of that, his area of expertise is fairly niche. Inside his old company, the compensation was quite good, but outside? There’s probably not a single employer who’d offer anything remotely comparable.
On the other hand, several of his colleagues who were let go at the same time are all anxious about what comes next. They’re all at the age where they’ve got aging parents above them and young children below, but their prime years are behind them. So a few of them had been talking about going into the food business together — trying their hand at mid-life entrepreneurship.
And so my cousin was torn. He’d always known I was quick on my feet, and figured I’d done well enough for myself, so he wanted to hear what I thought.
I paused for about twenty seconds, then organized my thoughts and gave him this:
“Brother, at the stage of life we’re at now, we’re bound to run into all kinds of setbacks and unwelcome surprises. Whether it’s parents growing old, children needing more from us, careers turning uncertain, family wealth that’s hard to protect, or just feeling like we’re barely keeping ourselves afloat — none of it is going to feel good.
So the fact that you’ve hit this particular wall today? It should’ve been somewhere within your own expected range of possibilities.
Don’t tell yourself that things happened too fast and caught you off guard. We’re middle-aged men now — let’s skip the part where we blame the environment or make excuses.
That said — this situation isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.
Look at the major decisions you’ve made in your life up to this point. They’ve actually been really good ones.
Your wife is educated, warm, and capable — she manages the household with real skill. Even if you never earned another penny, you already have a place to live in Shanghai plus two older rental properties generating income. Getting by in an ordinary, decent life? That’s absolutely not in question.
Your career path was solid too. You played to your cautious, steady nature, forced yourself to study hard for years, landed a position at a major foreign company, and so even now, as this chapter closes, you’re walking away with a very respectable payout.
On top of that, you’ve been careful with money your whole life. You never squandered what you worked hard to earn — instead, like me, you put it into sound, reliable stocks as ballast for the family finances. At this point, your annual dividends alone can match what a working adult earns in a decent year.
Sure, you might look at certain former colleagues who took the plunge and started businesses years ago, and feel like they grabbed something exciting — financial freedom, maybe. But if you actually caught up on how they’re doing lately, you’d find that very few of them are living better than you.
Going forward — I personally wouldn’t encourage you to jump into a restaurant venture with those friends. It’s not necessary, and the risk is too high. It’s not that they’re not smart. It’s that right now, every industry has its own pressures and challenges. They think food and beverage sounds easy because the barrier to entry is low — anyone can rent a space, buy equipment, hire staff, and open up shop.
But in any industry today, actually earning a living from it requires genuine expertise and the physical and mental stamina to consistently deliver that expertise. So there’s no reason to throw yourself into something with such low odds of success just to feel busy.
So what then — just lie flat and give up?
I don’t think so. Giving up is giving up, and at our age, that’s simply not an option.
The real answer is to take an honest look at where you actually stand, and tell yourself plainly: I’m an ordinary person — nothing exceptional, nothing spectacular — but I’m still willing to learn and still willing to put in the work.
Don’t underestimate what that means. Until you say those words to yourself — really say them — it’s very hard to set down your old pride, your old habits, your old sense of standing.
The reason I can say this to you, brother, is because I’ve fallen down more times than I can count. And every time, I got back up. You know my falls weren’t just “lost a job” kinds of setbacks — they were the kind that could break a person’s mind entirely, one by one.
Every time I got back up, it was because my spirit was in the right place and my self-awareness was clear.
Because here’s the thing: if you think too little of yourself, you let yourself slide. If you think too much of yourself, you become arrogant. Both roads lead to the same place — you can’t bring yourself to get down into the trenches and do the real work.
And in this life, no matter how steep the hill in front of you, as long as you put in honest, consistent effort — you’ll make it through. It’s only a matter of when.
Don’t be afraid, and don’t rush. Take a good rest for a while first. If the quiet gets to be too much, go drive for a rideshare app for a bit.
I’ll keep my eyes open on my end. If I come across an opportunity that suits your abilities and temperament, your little brother’s word still carries some weight — getting you into a respectable position is something I can absolutely do.
And beyond that — the goodwill you’ve built with people over the years, the good relationships you’ve kept with every manager you’ve ever had — even if you have to go out yourself and knock on doors, you will find a new path. One hundred percent.
One more thing, brother.
Right now, you have no debt. Your marriage is solid. Your son’s grades may be nothing special, but he stays out of trouble. Your parents don’t have any destructive habits that require you to clean up after them. All you need to figure out is one thing: a new way to earn a living. That, honestly, is not a world-ending challenge.
If I’m being blunt: your situation right now, given everything going on out there — you could actually allow yourself a quiet laugh of relief.”
Everything I said to my cousin, I believe applies not just to him, but to all of you out there navigating the same kind of weather.
No grand philosophy here. What you take from it depends entirely on your own clarity of mind.
If I had to distill it into a single thought, it would be this: for those who have walked every step of the road with their feet firmly planted, a mid-life career crisis is genuinely not worth calling a crisis.
Because mid-life is, by nature, full of sudden turbulence. But if you’ve put real effort into the things that matter — choosing the right partner, building your career, building your finances, cultivating good karma with the people around you — then when the unexpected hits, you’ll find you have nothing to fear.
What truly is frightening is reaching mid-life having laid no foundation in any of those areas, held together by nothing but a single job. The moment that wobbles, you’ll find yourself buried in suffering on all sides.
I hope what I’ve shared today reaches you when it still counts.
My brothers and sisters.