Some say: “Better to marry well than to work hard” is a distorted idea, and we shouldn’t be promoting hypergamy for women.
The first part, I agree with: whoever said doing well in your career and marrying well are mutually exclusive? Both are fine.
“Well” is something quantifiable. If you earn a million a year versus marrying someone worth ten million — which is better? Everyone has their own values.
If you earn ten million a year versus marrying someone worth ten million — which is better? Even a fool knows the answer.
The second part, I disagree with. Because: people naturally seek to move upward.
Marrying someone you love, or marrying someone wealthy — in my view, both count as marrying up.
Women are people too. Women, of course, should pursue happiness.
Men say: “Marry a good wife, and you save yourself thirty years of struggle.”
Women can say the same: “Marry a good husband, and you save yourself thirty years of struggle.”
— Everyone talks about learning to think like a man. Why stop here?
In traditional society, there was no path for women to pursue careers. All women were forced to rely on marriage for their livelihood.
Then, as productivity advanced, women gained the possibility of building careers.
This has been an incredibly difficult road. Jane Austen — a great writer — earned royalties during her lifetime that still couldn’t lift her to a life of real wealth.
From Austen to J.K. Rowling becoming one of the world’s wealthiest women — how many generations of women blazed that trail?
Now that many women can build careers, this is something good for the country, for society, and for themselves.
But does that mean career must come at the cost of marriage?
Does doing well in your career mean you can’t marry well?
Of course not.
Daphne du Maurier, who wrote Rebecca, was married to a lieutenant general who helped found the Royal Air Force.
Historian Marilyn Yalom, who specialized in women’s history and wrote A History of the Wife, was married to psychologist Irvin Yalom. They were kindred spirits and life partners, raising four children together and eventually welcoming five grandchildren.
These are shining examples of women who did well in both career and marriage. They are worth aspiring to.
To put it plainly: doing well is precisely what gives you the chance to marry well.
Getting into a good university — that’s doing well, isn’t it? Do good men prefer to marry highly educated women or less educated ones?
Landing a position at a top company — that’s doing well too. Look at the divorce and domestic abuse cases in the news. Whenever the woman is listed as “unemployed,” the man’s situation is almost always poor as well. Typically: woman with a junior college diploma, no job; man with a vocational certificate, working at a small company. These are clearly not cases of marrying up.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg met her husband as a college classmate — she was already known as the smartest woman in the city.
When you truly excel, your brilliance draws the world to you.
And conversely — marrying well makes it easier to excel.
Take Ginsburg again: her husband cooked for her their entire lives together. That freed so much of her time and energy to pour into her work.
With a husband like that, how could you afford not to shine?
Writer Lin Haiyin and her husband Xia Chengying were a perfect match: he was an editor-in-chief, so she wrote a column for his publication. She founded a literary magazine; he naturally became its chief writer. They were each other’s platform, each other’s greatest collaborator.
And then there’s Qiong Yao and Ping Xintao. It was Qiong Yao who gave Ping Xintao his publishing kingdom — and in return, he channeled all of that kingdom’s resources to make her career flourish.
For many years, Crown Publishing was known for two pillars: Zhang Ailing, and Qiong Yao.
Qiong Yao is gone now. What becomes of Crown next — only time will tell.
Of course, there are many women who did get swallowed up by the daily grind of domestic life, never finding a career.
That’s real, and it can’t be denied.
But the truth is, most people — men and women alike — don’t build careers in the conventional sense.
We are all shaped and limited by our own abilities, energy, and intellect. Timing, circumstances, and connections matter enormously. Luck matters enormously.
Do unmarried women all have careers?
Would they necessarily have careers if they didn’t marry?
Of course not.
What’s more accurate is this: many of these women may not have careers in the traditional sense, but they have warm, loving families — and they are happy. They raise children for society, care for their households, and make an enormous contribution that deserves recognition.
When you’re young and the world is wide open, don’t close off any path: pursue a career if you can, fall in love if you can.
In the end, who knows which cloud will bring the rain?
To travel from Guangzhou to Beijing, you can take a plane or a high-speed train.
Do you think the plane is always faster? There might be air traffic control delays.
Do you think the high-speed train is always smooth? A heavy rainstorm can delay it too.
Who can say which road leads to happiness sooner?