Student Question
Master, hello. First of all, thank you for your earlier advice — that women from well-off families should simply ask their parents to introduce potential partners.
I followed that advice. The person I married was someone my family had known for generations. My parents made the introduction — very reliable, similar in age, similar family background.
Before that, I had paid fees to several of the more popular matchmaking agencies. On average, meeting one candidate cost 2,000 to 3,000 yuan. None of them worked out. I wouldn’t say matchmaking agencies are necessarily bad — I can only say that the “quality men” on these platforms are all out there running their own selection process.
The men these agencies introduced to me were generally the male equivalent of me, or a slightly upgraded version. Their attitude was fine — willing to communicate and meet. But it was obvious they weren’t invested. They all had plenty of backups and couldn’t commit.
Just as you said — women from good families should ask their parents to make introductions. A hundred times more reliable than anyone you’d meet through a matchmaking agency.
Anyway, the men I met before were either in full “selection mode” or came with serious red flags. Through one agency, I once met the CEO of a well-known company. First meeting: he invited me for coffee — not even a proper meal — and I was only 26 at the time, at my absolute best.
After we met, he said he wanted to take me to dinner, but the entire conversation was him going on about how impressive he was. He had zero interest in getting to know me.
I later found out his ex-wife had suffered from depression — probably miserable being with him. He kept saying he felt she wasn’t good enough for him.
And the funniest part: last year, when I was still single, a friend offered to introduce me to someone. I opened the profile — another CEO. After all these years, he still hadn’t found the right one.
I’d like to ask, Master: for women from middle-class families, what other advice do you have about marriage and relationships?
Master Chi’s Response
My advice to everyone is this: don’t set your sights too high, and don’t overestimate your own market value.
In China, there are many women who are your equivalents. So don’t dismiss a man your parents introduce just because he seems unexciting or not handsome enough. If your family is reasonably well-off, the social circles your parents move in will generally be well-matched to yours.
Marrying up in China is genuinely difficult. Women who manage it often feel like they’ve won the lottery. Men who know they’re a good catch know it — they have options and aren’t in any rush to settle down.
For middle-class women and above, landing a well-matched, marriage-ready man of similar age and quality — I consider that marrying up.
In China, there are simply too many women with strong backgrounds. The men they’re all targeting aren’t nearly enough to go around.
And I’ve noticed this: a man becomes truly willing to commit when the woman is one or two notches ahead of him in specific areas — looks, family background, things like that. That’s when he’s ready to land.