This piece is a timeless classic from Master Chi’s earlier writings on marriage. By popular reader request, it is republished today — old wisdom, fresh eyes.
Never assume that every person in this world deserves to have a family. In Master Chi’s view, at least 30% of people on this earth are simply not worthy of marriage. These individuals are meant to grow old alone — they have no business forming a family, and certainly no right to harm and waste the lives of the innocent souls who trusted them.
They are men and women alike. They exist across every social class and field. They come in all appearances and temperaments — and some of them are remarkably good at winning the admiration and affection of the opposite sex. Yet no matter how polished and appealing their exterior may be, they are destined to inflict the deepest wounds upon whoever trusts and loves them enough to walk down the aisle.
This article is written for you. First, to help you avoid that terrifying 30% — so you don’t lose your life to the wrong person. Second, if you’ve already been caught in that trap, I hope this piece helps you see the truth clearly and cut your losses in time. And if there is a third purpose, it is this: through today’s conversation, I want you to understand what kind of person is truly worth your trust and companionship for a lifetime.
Let me get straight to the point. There is only one definitive answer: someone whose character is excellent — or at the very least, acceptable.
I can already see you blinking at the word “character,” then smiling and thinking: Who cares about that old-fashioned concept these days? Sounds pretty and means nothing. But Master Chi will tell you plainly — the reason veterans of life, including Master Chi himself, can assess someone’s reliability after a simple interaction is precisely because years of experience have sharpened a certain kind of vision. And with one look, that vision can determine whether a person has what it takes to be a husband or a wife.
Let me give you an example. It happened a few months back. A young woman came to me and paid triple the usual consultation fee, specifically to have Master Chi evaluate whether her new boyfriend was marriage material.
First, some context: I had previously done a destiny chart (命盘) reading for this woman. Her marriage palace was excellent — which naturally meant the men entering her life would be of a high caliber, without exception.
The young man she brought in that day was, by every material measure — family background, personal standing — top-tier within the second bracket. Absolutely the ceiling of what ordinary people can reach. The two of them had also been together for over a year, with close emotional ties.
But during our brief and casual conversation, he repeated one point three times: “He hoped his girlfriend would adapt to his family’s lifestyle, because his parents had a lot of rules.”
Without hesitation, Master Chi gave him a zero.
(His life pattern also fell short — but that is a separate matter.)
Many people will find this puzzling. What is wrong with that statement? Marriage is about two families merging, is it not? True enough — but the fatal mistake this young man made was failing to realize that he was not only a son, but also this woman’s future husband, and the future father of their children. Perhaps his words reflected genuine worry. But they also revealed an attitude: “My parents have many rules. You will need to adjust. And I will not be stepping in to stop them from managing you.”
What you can almost certainly predict for his future is this: this man will be an excellent son for the rest of his life — but he will never be the kind of husband or father who stands tall and protects his wife and children.
As a husband, his character is a straight zero. Goes without saying — a man who cannot protect his wife and carries no real weight in his own home: can you even call that a man?
So now let us talk about what Master Chi considers the character of a worthy husband.
First, we must understand that as a man, it is simply part of the role to absorb responsibility, pressure, grievance, and misunderstanding. The reason a real man carries all of this willingly is not because he seeks sympathy — it is because he understands that he is a pillar: for his family, for his woman, for his children. Protecting and caring for his family is not a favor. It is not something to complain about. It is simply what is expected. Remember these words: expected and non-negotiable.
He must be able to shoulder all pressure himself — to shelter his loved ones from the storm — without flinching at the demands of work or life. He should always be grounded, sharp, and courageous, facing every challenge head-on and using every resource and ounce of wisdom at his disposal to provide his family with a better and better life.
Now, logically speaking — in today’s world of gender equality — you could work out some kind of balanced, split-contribution arrangement. But let me ask you: when one man says, “Shut up. As long as I am here, the sky will not fall,” and another man says, “I paid last time — your turn this time, right?” — which one is worth entrusting your life to?
Why did Zhang Bozhi weep when Zhou Xingchi shouted at her “I will take care of you!” in The King of Comedy? Because that man was willing to take full, unconditional responsibility. No conditions. No calculations.
Remember this, and never forget it: the man truly worth leaning on is like a wall and a mountain. No matter how great the storm, as long as he is there, you never need to worry or be afraid — even if he is just an ordinary man. He is absolutely not the type who bickers with you endlessly over small domestic grievances. That kind of man may not be outright malicious, but the cost of building a life with him is a lifetime of mediocrity — and your children will learn from his example, their vision and potential squeezed down to nothing.
Now, by the same logic — what does Master Chi consider the character of a worthy wife?
Equally simple. She fulfills her role as a wife and gives accordingly: she offers her family warmth, generosity, and attentive care. She has the composure and magnanimity of a true mistress of the household. And when her partner is exhausted and needs support, she steps in with what she can offer — rather than standing on the sidelines, detached and indifferent.
Why do so many women from middle-class or working-class backgrounds spend their whole lives being looked down upon by wealthy in-laws? Because these women — and their families — treat marriage as a permanent meal ticket. They only take; they never give. Of course they are despised. A family of beggars is exactly what they look like.
At the same time, just like men, women in marriage inevitably face their share of grievances and frustrations. The question is: should that become the justification for endless complaining and constant household conflict? Please — drop the martyr act. A woman of real stature either finds a way to solve it herself, or sits down with her partner to talk it out directly and find a workable compromise. Chronic grievance-broadcasting and self-pity do not just drain the energy out of a home — they announce to everyone watching that this woman is truly only fit for a lower station.
Most critically: an iron commitment to rising and falling together with your family. To put it plainly: “If you will not abandon me, I will stand by you through life and death.”
Do not think that quality is common. Master Chi has personally seen husbands struggling and fighting through hardship — only to have their wives refuse to help, walk away, and immediately start moving assets. At least in Master Chi’s eyes, a truly “exceptional woman” is never one who, having landed a wealthy husband, simply indulges in leisure and pleasure for the rest of her days. In our world, that kind of woman is looked down upon. She is a laughingstock.
A truly exceptional woman: if her man can conquer the world, she can hold it steady. Or she is the kind who conquers her own domain right alongside him. And if she chooses to return to the home, then under her management, everything runs with perfect order — the social circles among wives, the interior affairs of the household, the education of the children — all handled at the highest level. That is the kind of woman truly worth marrying.
Now you might ask: can any of this be assessed before marriage? After all, marriage is different from early courtship.
Completely wrong. Every single thing I have described can be observed during the courtship period.
For example: if you are the woman, and you sense that this man tends to be calculating and measured — that is very likely not a good choice. Why? If he genuinely likes you, what does money spent on you even matter? Only if he does not truly care will he start pinching pennies. Do not think Master Chi is being one-sided here. Only men at the lowest rungs — those without financial means or ambition — will nitpick and count costs with a woman. A man who haggles like that is, for all practical purposes, finished for life.
A man with a real head on his shoulders would never think that way — because everyone understands how delicate the psychology of courtship is. The moment resentment takes root between two people, they will be sleeping in the same bed but living in different worlds, presenting a façade while feeling nothing inside. There is no marriage to speak of from that point on.
And if you are the man: pay attention to whether her care and concern for you is genuine, or just going through the motions. Is she actually treating you as someone she holds dear — or merely performing? These details reveal themselves in the texture of everyday life. If you are still not sure, one trip together will expose everything. If she is the type who only seeks comfort and expects you to serve her every need throughout — I am sorry, but you are looking for a partner, not another person to wait on hand and foot.
So — use your head, and you will realize: most failed marriages were already decided from day one, the very first moment those two people started spending time together.
Why, then, do so many people remain blind to it — making mistake after mistake until it is too late? Because they lacked the quality and ability to attract better — and so the only people they encountered were at that same level.
Yes — and this is exactly why Master Chi is constantly pushing and prodding you to keep climbing higher. It is not merely about money. It is about wanting you to live at a higher level, and to enjoy everything that comes with it.
Including marriage.
One final example: the lower someone’s social standing and means, the more their character and quality tends to drop in proportion. You cannot expect a child raised in a household where the father spends his days at the card table and the mother picks fights at the market to grow up with a particularly sound set of values — though you cannot paint everyone with the same brush, the odds are simply low. It is only as people climb to the middle class and beyond that family refinement and depth of character tend to rise — again, not universally, but the proportion increases steadily. And it is at that level that you will also notice the word “upbringing” (家教) starts appearing more and more often.
So — never romanticize the idea of finding a gem at the bottom. That is a one-in-a-hundred shot, and if you bet wrong, it costs you your entire life. The higher you climb, the better the people you will encounter. And you should be reaching for the very best.
Oh — and one more thing. Having read all of this, you might feel that Master Chi’s standards for the character of a husband and the character of a wife are somewhat idealistic. I understand that reaction. But do not let that flawed thinking take hold of you.
Remember: there are many things in this world that are simply expected — non-negotiable, beyond debate — whether or not there is logic or reason behind them. As a man, as a husband, as a woman, as a mother, many things are things you simply should do. Why? Because if you are a person of genuine character, you should inhabit your role fully. No excuses. It is that simple.