Recently, with all sorts of scandalous drama erupting left and right, a number of female readers have been sending requests asking me to address the subject of infidelity — and with so many voices asking, this piece was inevitable. That said, male readers, please don’t skip this article. Have you noticed? Most of the hot-button discussions lately center on women cheating, with men cast as the wronged party. So this article will also devote space to the craft and mindset of predicting infidelity before it happens.
Not long ago, a reader came to me during a consultation, genuinely puzzled, and asked: “Master Chi, I already understand the matter of life pattern (格局). What I really want to know is — does he truly love that woman? To the point where he’d abandon his wife and children for her?”
“I gave him everything. I used my family’s resources to fuel his career. I built a home for him. He already had everything he could want — complete satisfaction. So why would he do this?”
I thought carefully for some time before answering.
First: the person he loves most has always been himself. Betrayers invariably love themselves more than anything or anyone else. If it were otherwise, he would never have placed his momentary pleasure above another person’s genuine heart and devotion.
Second: the very reason he did this is that his life was too comfortable. When all angles of existence are already so satisfying, there is little room for anything new to offer greater ease — and so he strays. This holds true for nearly every person who commits infidelity. They may look different on the surface, but they share one absolute common trait: an unmistakable air of deep selfishness, and a shameless sense of entitlement toward the life they already have.
Understand this: there are many kinds of betrayal in this world — some between close friends, some between business partners. Every betrayal has its cause and its price. In the adult world, most betrayal, while appearing to be a moral collapse, reveals upon closer examination a certain internal logic — it benefits the betrayer in some way. A person who betrays a business partner usually does so because the act puts more money in their pocket. Not honorable, but coherent.
Of all forms of betrayal, none cuts deeper or strikes closer to the bone than infidelity. Only infidelity is, at its core, a total betrayal of someone who shares no blood with you — someone who trusted you enough to bind the rest of their life to yours. Read those words carefully: the rest of their life. So by now you understand — there is no such thing in this world as “a momentary lapse of judgment, a moment of weakness that led to a terrible mistake.” That is always an excuse and a deflection from the cheating party. The true logic at their core is this: “After weighing the costs and benefits, I calculated that even if I was caught, I could smooth things over — because you would ultimately give me another chance.”
This is precisely why, whenever someone comes to me for a consultation about marital upheaval, my answer is always the same: unless you have both the means and the resolve to make the cheating party’s life genuinely difficult as punishment in the years that follow, do not give them another chance under any circumstances. Note — it requires both the means and the resolve. That is to say, over the coming years, you must maintain consistent pressure and consequence over the matter of the infidelity. You cannot let a moment of remorse and sweet talk wipe the slate clean. The reason is simple: if you fail to strike genuine fear into the other party, then having survived this episode, they will have mapped out your limits and your tolerance — and they will only grow bolder and more brazen.
Fortunately, people who are capable of committing infidelity — regardless of gender — can almost always be identified before marriage. This brings us back to that quality I mentioned at the outset: that unmistakable selfishness.
Let me define what I mean by this. Selfishness, as I use the term, refers to this pattern: when you spend time with such a person, in matters large and small, they will always place their own interests before anyone else’s — including their own parents, close friends, and lovers. The reason they think this way is that they operate from a core belief: “I am the most important person, therefore it is perfectly acceptable to sacrifice others in order to get what I want.” It is precisely this underlying logic that eventually leads them to trample over another person’s genuine love and devotion.
One note here: do not assume that all victims of infidelity are women. The rate of female infidelity is, frankly, high enough to be alarming. For instance, I have always been deeply skeptical of the tendency among certain young men — particularly those who have achieved some modest career success — to marry a woman who has perhaps a six out of ten in looks but has never been tested or hardened by the world. When such young people come to me for consultation, I tell them plainly: “Want to get married? Fine — have her go earn a proper sum of money on her own first.”
Because to earn money, one must inevitably navigate the weighing of interests and the harsh realities of human nature. Without going through that crucible, a woman with moderate looks and no worldly experience is the most likely to go astray. The reason is simple: such women genuinely tend to develop the conviction that “I can always find someone better — marrying you is doing you a favor.” So everything her husband sacrifices and provides is dismissed as beneath her dignity, unworthy of appreciation.
Yet such women rarely end up with good outcomes. Their limited judgment, combined with looks that were never quite extraordinary to begin with, means they can only attract men of small character as lovers. She may sincerely believe her lover has genuine feelings for her — but he is not foolish. He knows exactly what kind of woman he’s dealing with. “If she can betray her marriage for trivial gains today, what’s to stop her from running off with someone else when appetite strikes tomorrow?”
So whenever I review someone’s destiny chart and see signs of marital upheaval, I raise the alarm immediately. This is a warning not only for the one who was betrayed, but also for those on the verge of committing betrayal themselves. And honestly, my motivation is not purely moral — in the end, it comes down to a calculation of interests. Having observed the life patterns and marriages of so many people, I can say without exaggeration: I have rarely seen anyone achieve genuine happiness through infidelity. Without overstating it — infidelity is almost always the starting point of a serious downward collapse in a person’s Chi fortune (气运).
I often say: when a marriage ends through betrayal, there are three calamities.
Think about it. From the first lingering glances with someone outside the marriage, to the secret back-and-forth, to the full-blown affair — it all seems thrilling and vivid on the surface. But in reality, it consumes an enormous amount of energy and mental resources. An affair is theft. Where in this world is there someone who can simultaneously be a thief and a king? No matter how worldly-wise I may be, I have never seen a person obsessed with extramarital affairs manage to keep themselves in peak form. This is the First Calamity.
Then there is the matter of how it ends. The ending has always been where it all unravels. One party is a casual player, content with a brief taste; the other is a calculated pursuer of something deeper. What entanglement of this nature is ever clean? Scroll through celebrity gossip from the past few years — nearly every fallen star follows this exact pattern. And what of those who pride themselves on being capable of managing it discreetly? All the more so. If you handle it once, you’ll do it again, and then again, in an endless pattern, until you finally encounter someone who won’t be handled. Don’t tell me infidelity only happens once — once you’ve tasted it, how could you forget that bite? The mind keeps returning. And so eventually the secret gets out, and the whole thing collapses. This is the Second Calamity.
Furthermore — how many of the sweet words from so-called third parties are actually worth anything?
Many women who stray believe they have someone ready to catch them. In reality, that person is often drawn precisely by the thrill of the forbidden — the particular appeal of a woman who belongs to someone else. Why? Because knowing you’re someone’s wife means there’s a natural limit — you won’t ultimately leave your family to become his real partner. So he indulges freely, without responsibility. But now that circumstances have shifted and he would actually be held accountable — does he truly accept that? In most cases, everything falls apart. This is the fate of most toxic entanglements. This is the Third Calamity.
Sometimes people come with a slightly different question: they’ve encountered someone outside the marriage who captivates them, and genuinely don’t know how to choose.
For this, there is really only one thing to clarify: are you craving their body, or are you craving their soul?
If it’s the first — that’s beneath you. Handle it yourself. The world offers endless diversions for satisfying physical desire. Which of them isn’t far simpler than the whole complicated mess of an affair — the endless catering, managing, and emotional labor? There’s a saying that captures this rather well. It applies equally to men and women — don’t take it the wrong way.
If it’s the second — if, upon honest comparison, the old bond genuinely cannot hold a candle to this — then give yourself the freedom. Just leave. Honestly, I sometimes struggle to understand the mentality of certain people. They’re not even trying to have it both ways — they simply refuse to make a clean break, to bring the matter to a clear resolution. They’d rather drag things out indefinitely. The best approach, truly, is the swift cut: give everyone involved — including yourself — a clean release. If you want to play, play with full commitment and an open hand. Isn’t that far more comfortable? When human feelings have run their course, there is nothing worth concealing. From a destiny framework perspective, the same principle applies: it is far better to sever a broken bond and forge new beginnings than to let toxic entanglements pile endlessly on top of each other.
I’ll close with a question from a male reader:
Reader’s Question: Master Chi, the environment has been difficult these past two years, and after watching my career fall apart, my wife has grown resentful. At the same time, in her daily work life, she has started showing clear signs of intimacy with other men. So I wanted to ask…
Master Chi’s Response: Don’t ask. We both already know. Her heart has changed — and when the heart changes, everything changes. This bond is no longer worth clinging to. A companion who cannot stand with you through hardship will inevitably jump ship sooner or later. A true man need not fear going without a wife. New marriage fortune lies ahead.