I was planning to rest today, but this afternoon my inbox suddenly filled with dozens of reader messages, all hoping I’d share my thoughts on the “Shenzhen Bentley Lady.”
Well then, let’s have an informal chat — it’s been a while since I’ve talked about marriage anyway.
First, when it comes to marriage — one of the most defining decisions of your life — there are really only two lines you need to keep close to heart.
One: A virtuous wife reduces her husband’s troubles; a virtuous husband puts his wife’s mind at ease.
The other: If you want to escape a bad fate, stop looking for gold in a garbage heap.
These two sentences may sound simple, but I can tell you — very few people have truly internalized them.
Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many couples who looked like a match made in heaven to outsiders eventually fell apart because they never grasped these two truths.
Let’s start with the first — “a virtuous wife reduces her husband’s troubles; a virtuous husband puts his wife’s mind at ease.”
What this means is: no matter how impulsive you are, you must never let yourself marry a pig teammate — a partner who drags you down and causes harm.
Because once you take that wrong step, you’re very likely to fall into a bottomless abyss — three to five years if you’re lucky, a lifetime if you’re not.
Just imagine: you’ve worked diligently your whole life, building steadily toward something good. Then one day your partner looks at you and says: “I’m so sorry, dear — because of my impulsive decision, your career and our family’s wealth are facing devastating losses. What can I say? You chose to marry me.”
How would that make you feel?
And don’t think this couldn’t happen to you. Trust me — as long as there’s a significant gap in caliber between you and your partner, it’s only a matter of time before something like this explodes.
I have a close female friend who consults me every year on her annual fortune cycle (流年). Her household is classically lopsided — she carries the family, he doesn’t. About four years ago, I could see signs of financial loss in her destiny chart (命盘), but no matter how carefully I looked, I couldn’t find the source of the problem in her own reading.
I began to suspect the issue lay in her marriage palace. Sure enough — her husband, feeling diminished by his lack of success and unable to face her, secretly took a large sum of the family’s assets and invested in a startup. He lost everything.
No discussion, no warning. He just wanted to secretly make a fortune and finally stand tall in front of his wife. Instead, he became someone else’s harvest.
What to do? What could be done?
The useless husband threw up his hands: “I just wanted to prove something to you. So… what do we do now? Honey?”
Now for the female side — and this one echoes today’s Bentley Lady situation. A business associate of mine from years ago was a refined, gentle man — the kind who never raised his voice at anyone. One day, he was involved in a minor fender-bender. Normally, a polite exchange would settle something like that.
Instead, his wife flung open the car door, grabbed a brick, smashed it into the other driver’s head, and announced: “This whole block answers to my father-in-law, [so-and-so]! You dare talk back to me?! One phone call and I’ll have you locked up!”
Stupid to the bone. You couldn’t tell whether she was trying to show off her power or sabotage her own husband’s family.
Someone nearby filmed the whole thing. It permanently damaged the reputation and prospects of his entire family.
The reckless wife threw up her hands too: “I was angry in the moment. What was I supposed to do?”
I share these two stories because both people ultimately made the wise decision to divorce.
My female friend even came back to me for a full destiny reading afterward, and based on her destiny and personal qualities, we identified the partner who was truly right for her.
So understand this: the reason a pig teammate is called a pig teammate is because you simply cannot count on their thinking and judgment to keep pace with yours. They become the weakest link in your marriage — making mistakes in areas where you would never err, and repeatedly forcing you to pay a steep price to bail them out.
So whenever someone asks me: if I’ve missed my ideal match, what’s the best second option?
My answer is always the same: Even if your partner isn’t the optimal choice, as long as you can live a stable, steady life together — as long as they won’t become an extra burden or a constant source of trouble — that is already an excellent outcome.
So how do you avoid being dragged into the whirlpool by a pig teammate? How do you avoid stumbling into these bad marriage fates in the first place?
The best approach is simply this: raise your own level until low-quality partners can no longer reach you. That is the most direct shortcut there is.
Young people confused about their marriage fate often commission me to clarify their destiny and help them identify the best match. But honestly — knowing when your match will appear, what they’ll be like, how the marriage will unfold — to me, that’s all secondary.
What truly matters is this: the more excellent, capable, and prosperous you become, the higher the quality of partner you’ll naturally attract. It really is that simple.
If that’s hard to grasp, let me give you a concrete example.
As a man — when your annual income reaches the 600,000–700,000 RMB level, you’ll find your pool of potential partners suddenly expands beyond imagination. Gentle, graceful women are willing to build a home and raise children with you. Sharp, capable women want to stand by your side as a true partner. Even accomplished women from wealthy families will introduce you confidently to their parents and welcome you as a son-in-law.
As a woman — once your annual income reaches the 400,000–500,000 RMB level, your options leap upward by several magnitudes. Business elites will see you as a top-tier match worthy of respect, because your track record proves you’re someone who grows alongside a partner. Scions of prosperous local families will actively seek your company, because you’re the ideal co-builder of a life.
But go the other way — let your social circle sink — and finding a genuinely good match becomes harder and harder, while the cost in time and energy keeps rising.
Here’s a highly representative case. A young woman came to me in a rush, desperate to find a good match, hoping I’d identify the timing and traits of her ideal partner.
I poured a bucket of cold water on her instead.
“Young lady,” I told her, “do you realize — given your life pattern (格局), you shouldn’t even be looking for a partner at this level of society? Most men at this level have no real future ahead of them. Compared to the massive career leap you’re positioned to make after age 35, they won’t lift you up — they’ll weigh you down.”
“What you need is a lifelong ally, not someone to appease your parents or quiet your anxiety.”
“So: build your career and wealth first. Noble benefactors (贵人) and your true match will follow in due course. Don’t get the sequence wrong.”
Sure enough — her match came a little later than most. But it was right, and it was happy.
That is far more beautiful than the countless people who rush into marriage in their twenties, spend years fighting and clashing, and end it in dissolution and regret.
Remember: marriage is not romance. At its core, it is a complete, all-encompassing binding between you and another person.
So approach it with weight. And handle it with care.