Student Question
Hello, Master Chi. There’s a beautiful female PhD in someone’s circle. She has modest career success, comes from a good family, and achieved basic financial independence in her thirties. She knows it’s hard to find a partner who meets all her standards — and she has no interest in legally registering a marriage with a man and sharing her wealth. After all, for wealthy people, marriage is the most expensive thing. It’s an investment, and if it goes wrong, it shrinks your assets.
But she still wanted a child — something she and her family could handle on their own.
A few years ago, as unmarried childbearing became more socially accepted, she made up her mind. She started a brief romance, chose a handsome graduate of a top university, dated him for a while, discovered she was pregnant — never told him — found an excuse to break up, and gave birth to the child. Her parents were quite happy and fully supported her decision.
She didn’t look for these partners in her own city. Instead, she’d travel elsewhere, start a short relationship, and once pregnant, end it.
Using the same approach a second time, the beautiful PhD now has one son and one daughter — the perfect pair that spells 好 (the Chinese character for “good,” formed by combining the characters for “woman” and “child”). She has hired a postpartum nurse and a home tutor, bought a large luxury apartment, and is raising both children together with her parents.
I’d like to ask Master Chi: what do you make of this?
Master Chi’s Response
Unmarried childbearing requires the backing of family support and a very solid financial foundation.
For an ordinary person without her resources who wants to have and raise children, the better path is still the traditional one — marry someone reliable and co-parent together.
This woman has strong family wealth and earns well on her own. For her, legal marriage means sharing assets — that’s a high-risk investment. Without meeting someone genuinely right for her, she’s not willing to enter that game.
For most ordinary women, bearing the full costs of single parenthood is a serious burden. I don’t particularly recommend it. If you truly can’t find the right person, just focus on saving money.
Marriage itself isn’t frightening. If you think marriage is bad, the problem is the person you chose — don’t blame the institution.
That said, not everyone is suited for marriage. If you don’t get married, it’s no big deal. If you don’t want children, that’s no big deal either. As long as you’ve thought it through clearly.
But for ordinary people who do want to take the marriage path — I’d suggest planning early. Find someone you know well, with reasonably solid circumstances, and build a family together.