On the matter of marriage — that great undertaking of a lifetime — Master Chi has one golden principle he hopes you will hold in your heart and live by: before formalizing your marriage commitment, you must bring your partner to share a meal with the most successful and respected acquaintance in your social circle. Prepare for this meal properly — set a generous table, bring some good wine, eat slowly, and let the conversation flow. Afterward, sincerely ask this acquaintance to speak to you candidly about their impressions of both of you — holding nothing back. Yes, it truly is that simple: one meal, a few honest words, and they genuinely can save the course of your entire life.
Why? Because Master Chi has witnessed countless people — extraordinarily intelligent people — fall completely under the spell of a destructive romantic force, and suffer for the rest of their lives because of it. Their greatest mistake was this: at that most critical moment, they lacked the fortune of having someone beside them to “wake them up.” And so they walked down the wrong path, into nothing but darkness. Only an outside perspective is free from emotion and bias — especially the perspective of someone who has truly made something of themselves in this world. Such a person can see through your beloved at a glance and tell you exactly what kind of person you are actually dealing with.
Having reflected on all of this, Master Chi has distilled six essential qualities that you must carefully consider before committing to a life partner. Miss even one, and you cannot call it complete. And don’t think this knowledge is only for women — if you’re a man, you need to read this just as carefully and commit it to memory. In this era, men who stumble into bad marriages and spend the rest of their lives ruined by them are everywhere. Trust me: as a man, you are not as strong as you think you are. As a woman, you must be even more cautious.
Consistent, Unwavering Honesty
When I read someone’s destiny framework (格局) to examine their marriage prospects, I frequently encounter a deeply uncomfortable situation: the person before me lights up with pure delight when speaking of their partner — eyes bright, words flowing endlessly. But every single thing they share is about experiences the two of them have had together. Not one word touches on who their partner was before — their history, their past. The moment I ask about it, they stumble and give only vague outlines.
This is absolutely one of the gravest mistakes you can make in a marriage.
What Master Chi means here is not that you need to dig up every last secret of your partner’s private life. But the bare minimum — the absolute bare minimum — is that you must know their life history. Otherwise, how do you know that the gentleness he shows you today wasn’t refined through countless women before you? How do you know that the attentiveness she offers wasn’t a technique perfected through serving countless men?
Their past, their life story, their hopes and plans for the future — these are all things your partner should have shared with you openly and honestly. Never forget: treating you with honesty is the most fundamental thing a partner is supposed to do. If they can’t even manage this, what loyalty are we even talking about? In all my years, I have never once seen a couple who hid things from each other build a truly good life together. It always ends the same way: living side by side while drifting apart, forever second-guessing each other.
Clear-Headed, Rational Thinking
People caught in the grip of infatuation frequently commit a fatal error: they mistake their partner’s flaws for charming quirks, even finding them endearing or “full of character.” But you must understand — marriage is fundamentally a lifelong partnership. The purpose of being together is to build each other up, to help one another, to look after each other. It is not to drag each other down or wear each other out.
Whenever couples come to me for counsel, I immediately identify the more naive of the two and quickly determine whether they are genuinely slow or simply immature. If it is immaturity, things can be worked out — a stronger partner can provide inspiration and growth. But if it is genuine stupidity, I will gently suggest that perhaps both parties should proceed with caution. This is not cruelty; no one has any obligation to spend their life cleaning up after a grown child.
Take, for example, the kind of man who acts before thinking, making reckless decisions — he will burden his woman with cleaning up his messes for the rest of her life, and she will get no thanks for it. Or the woman who is dense and dull, with no spark of insight whatsoever — she will never be any real support to her partner; she will only cause trouble.
This is precisely why clear-headed, rational thinking matters so much. Does your partner have at least a basic rational perspective on things? Or are they the type to fly into a rage in three seconds flat? Have they ever had a genuine, substantive conversation with you about their career, their vision for the family, wealth, and the future — and more importantly, do their ideas actually hold up in the real world?
Take my word for it: if someone has reached the legal age for marriage and still cannot hold a coherent conversation about any of these things, do not throw yourself into that fire — unless you have fully made peace with the idea of carrying dead weight on your back for the rest of your life.
Dependable, Visible Capability
Master Chi has never believed in the idea of the so-called “hidden gem” — not from the beginning, not now, not ever.
Here is the reasoning: the potential of a true potential-gem is never something invisible to others. That potential might be an iron-willed tenacity, a history of achievement despite young age, or a talent that has simply not yet found its stage. In short, the potential of a genuine potential-gem must be something you can see and touch.
Wealthy families and parents of high-standing households frequently come to me to evaluate whether a prospective son-in-law qualifies. The standard is straightforward. He may not have a cent to his name right now — but if every day he is grinding it out, throwing everything he has into building something — yes, that is a potential-gem. Or perhaps a young man is at a low point right now, but in three minutes of conversation you can tell he has a clear, specific vision for his own future and his family — yes, that is also a potential-gem.
What you must fear is the person who has nothing to show for it yet still radiates self-satisfaction — the person who, when you look at them standing there, is utterly indistinguishable from the crowd, or worse, visibly radiates an air of foolishness. I’m sorry, but that is not a potential-gem. That is a con artist.
For evaluating a man, what you should look for most is: Is he diligent and serious in his work? Is he warm and considerate in daily life?
For evaluating a woman, what you should look for most is: Does she bring drive and ambition to her pursuits? Does she take responsibility in daily life?
These are the most basic assessments of capability. If these two points are not met, then I sincerely hope the other person’s family wealth, connections, and resources are strong enough to compensate — otherwise, they are nothing but a self-promoting fraud.
Wholeness of Soul and Body
“Soul and body whole” — the soul and the body are two separate things. Let me address them separately.
Master Chi has read countless destiny frameworks over the years, but there is one type of person I strongly caution you never to pursue: a person whose soul carries deep wounds. These wounds may come from a major family upheaval, a devastating romantic trauma, or a fundamental distortion of their inner world. Anyone in this condition should be ruled out as a marriage candidate without exception.
Do you know what a drowning person does when they finally grab hold of a rescuer? They push the rescuer down with every last bit of strength they have. This is not malice — it is pure instinct. In the same way, a person with a wounded soul will instinctively reach for their partner as a lifeline — without ever stopping to consider that the price is their partner’s happiness and their entire life.
I have never been someone who shies away from the words “selfish” or even “ruthless” — because some degree of both is necessary. When it comes to people with damaged souls: you may spend time with them, you may wait for them, you may observe and assess — but you absolutely must not marry them until they have healed.
The body, on the other hand, is a far more delicate matter.
Marriage is, at its core, the union of two people. And where there is union, the physical bond is inseparable from it. In marriage, there are two things that can resolve virtually any conflict at any time: wisdom, and the full depth of physical desire. There is a truth that rarely gets spoken aloud: regardless of gender, if a person has never truly received something they deeply need, the moment the outside world offers it to them, their heart will shift. So when a man has been consumed by someone outside the marriage, or when a woman has been completely conquered by someone outside the marriage, you have already reached a point of no return.
Harmonious Family Bonds
A person who is truly worthy of your trust and reliance will also be someone whose six relations (六亲) — family and close social bonds — are harmonious and easy-going. This doesn’t mean his parents need to dote on you, or that his relatives need to embrace you, or that his friends need to adore you. Even if your relationship with his family circle is not particularly warm — that doesn’t necessarily matter.
The key question is: are the people in his six relations essentially decent, well-adjusted human beings?
Remember this always: no one grows up in a vacuum above the clouds. The nature of a person’s six relations reflects, with overwhelming probability, that person’s own inner character and fundamental makeup.
If a person’s entire family circle consists of scheming, venomous individuals, you could chop off Master Chi’s head and I still would not believe that this person rose above it all with a radiant and wholesome heart — unless they have completely cut off all contact with them.
But if a person’s family circle is filled with warm, honest, decent people — rest easy, because “an apple never falls far from the apple tree.” This person’s core character will not be bad. And even where they fall short, their family will nurture them toward something better.
Many people make a naive mistake: when they go to meet their partner’s family, they think they are the ones being inspected and evaluated. In reality, this is just as much an opportunity for you to inspect and evaluate the family.
There was once a woman who came to me — the man she had fallen for wasn’t bad himself. He came from a wealthy family, though he was somewhat weak-willed. But his parents were harsh, calculating, and controlling to an extreme degree, and she was torn about whether to proceed. She asked me to read their destiny charts for compatibility.
I set the destiny charts aside. I simply said one thing to her: “A grown man who can’t even manage his own parents — what exactly can he manage?”
She understood immediately. Today, she has found a partner who is truly right for her — they are happy and harmonious, and she gets along warmly with his family as well.
Genuine, Heartfelt Love
Every year I am invited to attend somewhere between ten and twenty wedding banquets by friends of all kinds. I have witnessed far too many couples come together. But of all the vows I have heard at all those weddings, the one that has stayed with me most deeply was this:
“What I want is not this lavish wedding put on for other people. What I want is the fate of walking beside you forever.”
Anyone who has lived a little knows: some words are borrowed — copied from something heard or read. But other words come from somewhere real, somewhere inside. When I sat in the front row of that wedding hall and watched the groom look at his bride as he spoke those words, I knew: no matter what storms might come, these two would hold onto each other until the end.
I am not saying that a single word — “love” — can conjure miracles or sweep aside every hardship. But it is genuinely true that love has the power to overcome the vast majority of obstacles this human world has to offer. Because of love, you can forgive. Because of love, you stay. Because of love, you understand. Because of love, you give. Because of love, you protect.
Master Chi has encountered countless people over the years. The couples I have seen living the highest quality of life may not be particularly wealthy, and may not have achieved anything remarkable — but they are, without exception, deeply in love. They carry each other in their hearts at every moment, truly and sincerely.
In fact, I will go so far as to say this: without love, even if all five of the qualities above are present in full, it amounts to nothing more than having found a reasonably good arrangement — not a bad deal, but not a life. But with love, even if only two or three of those five qualities are met — it is more than enough.
What’s that? You say you can’t tell whether the other person truly loves you?
That’s impossible. If you truly cannot tell — that itself is the answer. When love is real, you will always know.
Closing
It has been a long time since I’ve written about marriage, so I decided to put this piece together as a reference for those brothers and sisters who may be approaching this great milestone in the season ahead.