Student Question
Hello Master, I’m writing about a problem rooted in my family of origin. My mother is hardworking and down-to-earth, but she has always been prone to anxiety, suspicion, and endless nagging. Her parenting style was very strict when I was young — strict enough that, despite decent grades, I nearly fell into depression during my final year of high school.
Years have passed since then. My father, through hard work and perseverance, has built a solid material foundation for our family. Yet my mother still nags — relentlessly, without end. I genuinely don’t know how my father has sustained what feels like a suffocating marriage for this long.
I’ve now built my own home. My husband loves me, my child is adorable, and I’m six months postpartum. Breastfeeding and caring for a newborn is already exhausting enough. I thought that having my own mother around would at least take some of the load off — but every time she sees me, the first thing out of her mouth is, “Do you have enough milk?” When the baby cries, she asks, “What did you eat today?” She questions the Shanghai hospital and doctor I chose, and she second-guesses the postpartum nanny I carefully selected and feel good about.
My love for my baby, layered on top of all the emotions I’ve accumulated toward her over the years, has me feeling like a lit fuse lately. I keep losing my temper over the smallest things. And yet — she’s my mother. One voice inside me says not everyone shares my parenting philosophy, and I should be grateful she’s here helping with the baby. The other voice says: block her out, keep your distance. What should I do?
Master Chi’s Response
This is purely a matter of inner demons (心魔). There’s no need to dig deeply into it — simply make a habit of shielding yourself, and do so proactively.
Give her enough emotional acknowledgment, but when it comes to day-to-day life, just manage the surface. Many parents, at their core, need a constant stream of emotional feedback in order to feel that they exist. The more you react, the more they demand.
Smile. Nod. “Mom, you’re right.”
Think of it as the fee you pay for having her help with the baby.