Today’s article is divided into two halves. The first half is written for women — partly out of courtesy, and partly because I hope male readers will take the time to read through the women’s section as well. Of course, if you’re a female reader curious about what a “real man” looks like, please read through the second half of this article too.
A quick note: today I want to explore the weight and meaning of the word “love.” This is something that many people who consider themselves clever are profoundly lacking in. Without further preamble, let’s get into it.
Those familiar with Master Chi know that among all the people who come to me for consultations, the ones I find most exhausting — and most reluctant to deal with — are women seeking guidance on romance and marriage. They might be in their twenties, or perhaps their thirties and forties. Fortunately, because of the threshold I’ve set, nearly all of them are accomplished women with a solid foundation in career and finances — that much is good. But they cannot, I repeat cannot, hold a conversation that touches on marriage without making you feel as though the past twenty, thirty, or forty years of their lives were completely wasted. Whatever wisdom or growth was supposed to have accumulated — it’s simply not there.
Why? Here’s what you’ll find: the question these women love to ask most is, “Do you think he and I are compatible?” On the surface, this seems perfectly reasonable — what could possibly be wrong with it? But anyone who truly understands knows this is the question only the most foolish of women would ask.
Don’t think I’m exaggerating. Women as a group tend to make marriage decisions driven by momentary emotional impulse, which leads to a chronic inability to think deeply. And so you’ll find that no matter how much they nitpick and strategize in their daily lives, they almost never strike at the real issue. Master Chi has just one question that sends them into a cold freeze: “Forget all this ‘compatible or not’ business. I’ll ask you one thing: when he looks at you — is it with a lover’s eyes?”
At this point, many female readers will laugh, wondering why the usually analytical Master Chi has suddenly gone so “emotional.” And that right there is their naivety showing. They’ve forgotten a strange but iron law: in this world, we only ever hear about men walking away without a backward glance after getting what they want. Why? Because the difference in how men and women think lies precisely here: once a man is with you, whether he loves you or not, he operates on two entirely different sets of logic. All the practical, appealing qualities you see in him right now — if he doesn’t truly see you as his lifelong partner, trust me, you can go ask your countless girlfriends where to buy the regret medicine. They’ve probably been looking for it far longer than you have.
Many people — not just women, men too — look at a partner’s financial standing and concrete credentials as their primary criteria for selection. I won’t even get into how shallow and amateur this approach to reading people is. (And no, this isn’t how you identify someone’s potential either — though most people don’t realize that.) Let’s just assume the other person checks every box and even exceeds your expectations. Even so, Master Chi will say this plainly: no matter how solid their background, if the way they look at you before marriage doesn’t carry a lover’s gaze, then 99% of everything you’re hoping for from them will come to nothing.
The reason? Let me give you a real example from just last year. A young woman came to me for a consultation and mentioned she was being pursued by an exceptionally high-status man. Despite the age gap between them, his background appeared on paper to offer her real advantages. It happened to be during the Lunar New Year — time was free, and since we knew each other through mutual connections, we all met up together. I had barely sat down; I hadn’t even laid out the destiny chart. One look at the man, and I privately suggested to the woman that she could walk away.
Why? It was the most common look you see on middle-aged men of a certain type. Translated plainly: I really enjoy spending time with you, little one — quite exciting, heh heh. Beyond that? Not a single ounce of anything deeper. Nothing resembling genuine feeling. Under these circumstances, the woman was — note carefully, not “might be” or “possibly be,” but was destined — destined to become collateral damage. Because from day one, that man’s mindset was simply about enjoying something young and fresh, nothing more. From the very first moment you’re together, he has already erected complete barriers around himself — emotional, financial, in terms of resources. The result? No matter how impressive he is, none of it will ever truly reach you. This is the root of all such problems.
Once a man’s net worth crosses into the tens of millions, if you haven’t built genuine shared history and weathered hardships together, the chances of this marriage vaulting you into a new tier of life approach absolute zero. Why? Because none of your girlfriends will say the thing that’s been repeated so many times it’s become a cliché: “If he doesn’t love you, he won’t give you anything real — and even what he does give you will be effortless trifles, money he barely notices.”
Yet many women pin their hopes on this very scenario, thinking: maybe I can thaw him over time? That’s a beautiful fantasy — and an endearingly naive one.
Let me ask you this: of all the women who married wealthy men purely for financial gain, how many actually got what they wanted? Either he hides his assets and caps your annual allowance as a barrier, or you bear children with no real status to show for it. Even one who fought fiercely in his corner, who took a public slap from his enemy on his behalf in a courtroom — what did she ultimately receive? However much it exceeded what ordinary households could imagine, however much it delighted the hangers-on and distant relatives — you know that what he gave you was, in the bluntest of terms, scraps. Because once you’ve seen what his true wealth looks like, you understand: what you received was, to borrow a common phrase, “charity for a beggar.”
Know this: once a man stops caring, he becomes utterly calculating. His achievements and track record reveal just how unfathomable and deeply capable he truly is. How could a woman who thinks marriage is her path to power ever outmaneuver that? Conversely, the women who have genuinely earned a powerful man’s trust and devotion — every single one of them walked through fire alongside him first. That’s where the bond comes from — unbreakable because it was forged through hardship. When a business titan fell from grace, it was his steadfast wife who rallied and turned the tide; when another lay gravely ill, it was his devoted partner who stayed faithfully at his side.
Don’t treat men like fools. And let’s retire the idea of love at first sight. People always grow into love over time — and that is the only love that’s real.
So, to summarize my view in the simplest possible terms: for women, you absolutely must be clear-eyed about the state of the relationship and where both of you truly stand.
You might be a woman of real substance yourself — and in that case, build a partnership of equals, where you and he become deeply intertwined collaborators. You might be entirely ordinary — and in that case, treat him as both husband and teacher, and pour yourself wholeheartedly into learning and growing alongside him. Or you might simply set aside ambition and future plans, and become a devoted wife focused on family and raising children.
But the one thing — the only thing — you must never do is believe that a marriage can bind a man worth tens of millions or more, or that it entitles you to any meaningful share of his career or his wealth.
Remember: this has nothing to do with gender. When someone has reached that level of capability, it means they survived something like a battlefield. Not a single one of those flames burns cheap. In a battle of wits, you cannot win.
The one and only way to change any of this — the single path back to solid ground — is this: give it enough time together, and take genuine, active responsibility for the role you are supposed to play.
Don’t play the helpless woman card when it comes time to put in real effort and be present — “But I’m a woman, this is so hard for me.” If that’s your approach, sister, then frankly you deserve not to be taken seriously. He’s not an idiot.
And I’m not asking you to charge forward with a chip on your shoulder, burning to “prove your independence.” Because the result would be: you give everything you have, he laughs and says you’re nothing special, and you erupt in humiliated rage.
Remember this: when you come together through fate and form a marriage, hold to one core principle — I am willing, without regret or resentment, to sacrifice everything I have. On the surface, it’s for this family. In truth, it’s for you. Not for anyone else. Not for any gain. Not for anything else at all. Just you. You, you idiot. And don’t ask me what the logic is or what I expect in return. I love you. It’s that simple.
Do you want to know why some men get drawn away by affairs, throwing away wife and children on a whim? Don’t assume these women win on the strength of physical desire alone. Master Chi has encountered plenty of this type — many of them among close friends as well. A fair number are of average looks, perhaps slightly above. But they possess one natural, lethal weapon: in the right moments, they are capable of throwing themselves headlong into love without a second thought.
Don’t find it strange. How can she sacrifice so much for a man who isn’t her husband — a man she barely knows? That’s precisely the gift and the audacity. Just like foolish women who think slapping the mistress solves the problem, not realizing that a mistress only needs one line to obliterate the wife who has every right on her side: “Go ahead. Kill me. Then I’ll be his woman forever — and he’ll never forget me.” Tell me — do you hit her or not? Hit or don’t hit, you’ve already lost badly.
This is where the vast majority of mediocre women fail. Because their logic is: “Doesn’t all my daily devotion outweigh these fleeting moments?”
It genuinely doesn’t. Why? Men are wired to be swept away. There’s nothing rational about it.
Let me repeat a point I’ve made countless times: the hierarchy among women is far more brutal than it is among men. The divide between the elite 2% and the ordinary 98% is absolute. And yet every woman in that 98% believes herself to have mastered the art of managing men and navigating life with wisdom. Please — give me one example of someone from the “fierce independent woman” camp who succeeded in both career and marriage. I’ve racked my brain and cannot think of a single one.
So if you’re running with a crowd of standard female failures, how much genuine wisdom about success do you think you’ll actually absorb? The thinking of female failures always runs along the same petty, penny-pinching tracks — and they call it intelligence and virtue. Only the thinking of genuinely successful women includes the capacity to not sweat the small stuff, to not keep score — only they can truly love without reservation and hate without hesitation.
And what does that look like?
When you love — there’s no logic to explain it. Even if the sky falls, even if no one supports or approves of him, even if you yourself know he’s a fool — you follow and stand by him without hesitation.
If after all that he still betrays you and lets you down — then hate without reservation. Cut ties immediately, sever the bond completely, and begin your own life.
The key isn’t the love or the hate. The key is that word: dare.
Sadly, the vast majority of women only dare to badmouth their husbands endlessly on social media, then heave a long sigh and lament: “What can I do? The children, the life — I’m trapped.”
Then I’m sorry. That person deserves not a shred of your sympathy or mine. Why? She chose it herself.
For men, it’s even simpler. Master Chi wants you to understand: a woman loves you most deeply at the two extremes of your life.
When you are at rock bottom — lowly as dust, in absolute free fall — the woman who stays with you then is genuinely in love. If she doesn’t truly love you and ache for you, why on earth would she choose to suffer alongside you?
Or when you are at the peak — soaring like a king, at your absolute highest — the woman who follows you devotedly then is completely captivated. If she isn’t fully in awe of you, why would she submit and make herself small?
So if you are right now somewhere in the middle — neither high nor low — this is precisely the most difficult time for real love to take root.
Master Chi often preaches that a man needs great wealth and great achievement to make a beautiful woman bend to him. But we all know: a man’s genuine sincerity, his depth of character, and his authentic goodness are the sharpest blade for cutting through to a woman’s heart.
Haven’t you noticed? In all the books, films, and dramas that women love most — the man is either an invincible hero or a complete underdog with nothing to his name. The former satisfies the fantasy. The latter captures the real heart. Both can drive her through fire and flood for you. Not to mention that she’s willing to face poverty and bare hardship beside you entirely — and then lend you her strength as you rise again.
What she fears above all else is being abandoned and forgotten once you’ve made it back.
Sometimes when Master Chi looks at how young people today interact and fall in love, I genuinely feel like crying out to the heavens — how can anyone be so obtuse, so completely without instinct?
You’ll find men in relationships who tally up every expense and every contribution with meticulous precision, then call this “rationality.” Some people now label this the “straightlaced man mentality.” With respect — this has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That simply describes a normal orientation. It says nothing about whether your brain functions normally.
Every man Master Chi has ever witnessed — the ones who married up from nothing, the ones who successfully earned a woman’s devoted support — not a single one was stupid enough to sit there calculating costs with her. It comes down to one line: “Today you’re wandering the world with me. Tomorrow, even if I have to lie, cheat, steal, or put my life in your hands — I will never let you go hungry or cold.”
Simple. Blunt. Straight to the softest place in a woman’s heart.
Forget the talk. Money? Her family has plenty. But you threw yourself all the way in. Does she have anything left to be afraid of? Come then — today I’ll walk away with you hand in hand, and let you know that when it comes to being swept away completely, women have never been weaker than men.
The approach of earning a woman’s devotion through sheer commitment rather than material wealth is looked down upon by the vast majority of men. What a shame — they can’t figure out one simple thing: the straightlaced man is not sexy. The scoundrel is.
So when is a man most attractive to a woman?
Not when he’s a fresh-faced pretty boy. Don’t be fooled by women screaming “He’s my husband!” at drama characters. They’re actually far more clear-eyed about that than you’d think — they know perfectly well it’s for looking, not for living with. In real life, the pretty boy only holds power with high school and college girls. The moment a woman enters the real world, her assessment of men matures instantly.
But unfortunately, the men women encounter in real life spend every conversation talking about property values, car brands, and salary figures. And sorry — when it comes to competing on material terms, how far apart are any of you really? Come if you want to have that conversation. Hash it out face to face — whether it ends in flushed-face argument or cold-hearted disappointment, take your pick.
And the one approach that cuts through all of it with pure force? Master Chi will tell you — and this is a shortcut that will never be overturned:
If you’re a man, act like one.
A man is not just rationality and restraint. That image might project a certain aura — but it’s like a woman dressed in meticulously designed clothes. All taste and refinement, not a whisper of “sexy.”
What does acting like a man look like? It means having your rationality and your composure — and also having your uncontrolled fury and your willingness to pay any price.
“Today I will stop at absolutely nothing to have you. Let someone else try to take you from me — I’ll destroy them. You heard right. I’m exactly the unreasonable bastard you think I am. I will sink into the depths for you — and then pull myself back out.”
The first time or second time, she might think you’re being childish. But given enough time, once she knows you mean every word of it, there aren’t many women who can hold out against that masculine pull.
Sadly, that kind of masculine energy is genuinely rare these days.
Do you know why Xiao Bei gets completely dominated by Song Siming in the drama Dwelling Narrowness (蜗居)? It’s not Song Siming’s position in government. It’s not his access to resources. It’s this: when Hai Zao was being bullied, Xiao Bei nervously muttered “Let me… think of something” — and Song Siming picked up the phone and said: “Touch my woman again and I’ll end you.”
What? Some men will say Song Siming had the power and status to back that up. That’s a textbook case of psychological castration. Even someone at the absolute bottom of society dares to protect the person they love at any cost. How did someone a few rungs up the ladder — a middle-class professional — lose that entirely?
At worst, I lose my job. I will fight you for the rest of my life over this — because you touched my woman. My woman.
Is it possible? No — and that’s precisely why some meek, soft-spoken white-collar workers will always be meek and soft-spoken. They’ll never rise above their station, purely because of a deficit of masculine drive.
Always remember: in the world of men, it is not that strength produces hormones. It is that hormones produce strength. That fire comes first.
So if there is one final piece of wisdom to leave with male readers, it should be this:
Before you became a husband and before you became an employee, there was one role you needed to learn to fill first. That role is: becoming a real man.
You can put on a suit and tie for the sake of your future. You can swallow your pride for the sake of your family’s livelihood. But please — make sure the people around you can still sense it, in the midst of life’s ordinary friction: that scent hidden beneath the tailored suit, familiar yet half-obscured — the unmistakable scent of a man’s blood and iron.
That scent was not extinguished at birth. It has always been there. It’s just been kept in check.
That scent might carry with it tobacco and alcohol and the sting of a sleepless night. But it is suffused with an overwhelming sense of dominance and wild ambition.
Master Chi has no desire to speak to you like a schoolteacher, word by word laying out what you should do and constructing dogma for you to follow. Master Chi simply wants you to understand: that scent is the most deeply attractive thing a man can carry.
Not just the women you admire. Even money and fortune will circle close to you, drawn in by that scent.