Let me start with the girls who surprised me most — the way they changed their own destinies was remarkably simple and direct. She became the owner of a beauty and gift shop, earning hundreds of thousands a year. Every year she would come find me to review her annual fortune cycle (流年). But smart girls are probably all the same at heart — she was restless inside.
Nothing in this world is impossible if you’re truly determined. As long as you put your heart into anything, your noble benefactor (Gui Ren) fortune will come. And this girl truly seized hers.
On the other hand, there are stories that fill me with regret. When we were young, our parents always told us: make more good friends, and don’t associate with bad ones — you’ll be led astray.
Looking back now, that advice was absolutely right. The influence of those around you really is everything.
Little Jin is a living example of this. She was originally a textbook-smart girl — quick-witted, sharp, and fast on her feet. But this made her the prized darling of a group of fake girlfriends. These women would chatter endlessly, either dragging her out to foot the bill or flattering her into playing the big sister, rallying everyone into investments and business ventures. When profits came in, they’d split them together; when losses hit, each one would vanish.
Don’t mistake this for harmless fun. The consequences of being controlled by the wrong friends are real. When she first came to see me, I immediately sensed something was off. Two of her close girlfriends had tagged along, calling her “Sister Jin” with saccharine sweetness at every turn — yet everything they said pointed toward getting Little Jin to pay for their consultations as well.
“Sister Jin is the absolute best!” “Our sisterhood is stronger than gold!”
Later, in a private conversation, I told her directly: your social circle is too broad, and there are far too many petty people in it.
In matters like this, all the advice in the world is useless — only the person themselves can have their own awakening. Little Jin came around slowly, and only after three years did she gradually come to realize that all those girlfriends had been leeches all along. She later told me many times: if she had listened to even one piece of my advice from the start, she would have preserved so much wealth, seized so many more opportunities — and more importantly, avoided so many losses.
A few small lessons:
1 — Learn to play to your strengths and work around your weaknesses.
You don’t need to master all eighteen arts. Your energy is finite, and the cost of trying to learn everything is mastering nothing. Just understand your own rough strengths and weaknesses. Double down on your strengths, openly acknowledge your weaknesses, and work quickly to plug those gaps. Don’t stubbornly wear yourself out fighting a losing battle.
This world is fiercely competitive. Make sure your innate gifts secure you a foothold on your stage. From there, grow steadily. The only thing you cannot afford is to let your weaknesses hold you back.
2 — Don’t keep stirring a pot that’s already burned.
Women’s greatest problem is that they easily become obsessed. The moment something displeases them, they feel compelled to invest endlessly — pouring in time, energy, and emotion — until it turns around. Different people see this differently, and yes, there are those who hold on until the clouds part and the moon appears. But they are the minority. Far more likely, you’re simply waiting for a miracle from a pot of soup that has already boiled dry and burned.
The smart woman, when something goes wrong, doesn’t let emotions cloud her judgment. Instead, she carefully examines the root of the matter — what exactly is happening, what the true odds are. After such an enormous investment of her youth and energy, what will she actually get back?
3 — The small-minded woman has no future; the strong woman does.
The “small-minded woman” is one with avoidant tendencies — she dodges trouble, hides from difficulty. This type of woman can evade things for a while, but never forever. In the end, the escapism rooted deep in her bones will make her feel profoundly fragile, without any real experience or courage to face true difficulties. No matter how wealthy her family background, she will ultimately squander it herself.
The strong woman, by contrast, is a girl of steel and resilience. Even if her beginnings are humble and cold, her future is limitless — because her greatest wealth is her own character. The journey through thorns and hardship, the experience of swallowing pain and pressure, give her the clarity to see herself truly — and others, and even the world itself, with equal clarity. And so, as life moves into its later chapters, she handles everything with effortless mastery and holds all the winning cards.
4 — All roads lead to Rome — there is no single definition of success.
When you have seen the vastness of the world and the full range of humanity, you come to understand: measuring a woman’s success has nothing to do with how much she earns, or whether she has a happy marriage.
I have seen women who spent their entire lives deeply immersed in their passions — always single. I have seen women who raised three wonderful children without ever earning a single penny of their own. I have also seen women who were fiercely independent, devoted to creating wealth, successful in both marriage and career. All of them were excellent. All of them lived full, fulfilling lives. That is enough.
If someone calls that failure, then let me ask you — are you happy right now? Is your happiness built on someone else’s suffering? If you are happy, and you haven’t caused harm to anyone, then that is the greatest success of all.
The truth is, women are sometimes more vulnerable to being led astray by emotions and sentiment — this is partly determined by one’s own nature. And this isn’t just about romantic love. It applies equally to friendships, family bonds, and all manner of relationships.
So the wise girl will always find herself a mirror.
That mirror can be a trusted girlfriend who can think through problems with clear-headed rationality. Or it can be a deep, honest self-reflection in the quiet of every late night.
Of course, the best mirror of all is a noble benefactor (Gui Ren) of both high caliber and broad life pattern (格局). The purpose of this mirror is to let you clearly see your own direction at all times — and when necessary, pull you back from your mistakes before it is too late.