Life is very much like sitting for an exam. Mediocre students rely on grinding through massive volumes of practice questions, building up a numb muscle memory, only to barely scrape by with a passable score.
But top students always pursue the one master trick that solves everything.
With the right master trick, you can tackle any difficult problem the way a hot knife cuts through lard — every challenge simply falls apart before you.
For ordinary people, the most important master trick of this lifetime is understanding the art of conducting yourself well in the world.
Knowing how to conduct yourself is far more important than mastering any particular skill.
At the same time, it is absolutely the most critical breakthrough point for ordinary people to open up their circumstances in life.
Because when you carry yourself well, noble benefactors (Gui Ren) from all corners of the world will naturally be willing to teach you skills and give you opportunities.
Just think about it — why is it that nearly all great merchants, politicians, celebrity entertainers, and other worldly successes…
Their lives all took flight from the moment they met a certain person or found their way into a certain circle?
From the perspective of Chinese metaphysics (xuanxue), each beautiful new chapter of your life most often begins with new people and new energy.
On this topic, I’ve reflected on some advice that I hope you’ll find useful.
First: be generous. Understand the logic of mutual benefit. Make others feel that lifting you up is genuinely worth their while.
Do not follow the example of those petty white-collar workers who spend their days obsessively studying “how to get a noble benefactor to promote you” — that’s a cunning but shallow mindset.
Hoping to earn another person’s appreciation while contributing nothing, or offering only token gestures — that’s truly treating people as fools.
The precondition for a noble benefactor to promote you is that they believe, after lifting you up, you will give them adequate returns — whether in wealth, resources, or even emotional satisfaction.
So learn to be generous first. When privately arranging a dinner, invite only the other person, or three people at most, and aim for a spending standard that reflects genuine intent.
Don’t be reluctant to spend this kind of money. This is what we call opening the path of connection.
If a single meal allows you to forge a friendship with someone who will help your career and life, that money is worth every cent.
This is the wisdom of building upper-tier connections.
Second: be skilled at spotting opportunities — especially when a friend is down on their luck or needs you to extend a hand. Express your goodwill warmly, but also make clear the effort it costs you.
“I’ll definitely help you with this, even though it’s going to eat into a lot of my other important time” — say this kind of thing. Don’t be shy about it.
Human nature is such that if you make it sound effortless, some ungrateful souls may not even remember the kindness.
Remember: favors are meant to be kept in people’s hearts, not extended without limits.
So do good deeds, but also say the firm words. That way, when it comes time to mobilize social resources, things will run smoothly — and others will genuinely hold you in awe.
This is the wisdom of building mid-tier connections.
Third: toward those below your level, don’t put on airs — and never give them a cold face.
Think about it — when your company’s chairman happens to meet you in the elevator and says a few warm words asking how your work is going, don’t you immediately feel this senior figure is wonderfully approachable?
The same applies to you. For people of lower standing, put away your pointless urge to lecture them. Give them respect and acknowledgment — but still stay alert inside, guarding against being played.
The attitude you project in this way is remarkably effective at winning people’s hearts and making them genuinely want to draw close to you.
And if you can go one step further — say, “Old Wang, how did your daughter do on her exams? I came across a really good set of practice papers online, I’ll mail them to you” —
Old Wang will regard you as a true brother or sister from that day forward. Asking him for a small favor or a little unofficial help will be absolutely a one-word matter.
This is the wisdom of building lower-tier connections.
In short, as you walk through the world, the most dangerous habit you can have is deliberately flaunting your sense of importance. This vice leads you straight down a dead end.
For example, the moment someone expresses any opinion, you immediately leap in with a “let me correct you” posture.
Observe more. Think more. Affirm others more. Praise others more.
You must first become a good listener before others will gradually open up and share what’s truly in their hearts.
As the saying goes: gold is easy to come by, but a true confidant is hard to find.
In this world, fools always believe the protagonist is the one doing the talking. Only the wise know that the listener is the real protagonist.
I especially want to caution some female readers: do not think that today’s fashionable “fight back at everything” style is something worth emulating.
Even in TV dramas, this combative tone looks cool and fierce.
But know this — it is profoundly foolish behavior. No matter how sharp your tongue becomes, the only result will be fewer and fewer friends, and a reputation for being difficult to deal with.
The inevitable outcome is that good connections will gradually keep you at arm’s length.
Always remember: an aggressive personality full of hostility will neither go far nor last long. Only the shortsighted and foolish conduct themselves this way.
Besides, in real life, very few people will simply sit there and let you berate them. If a real argument breaks out, who comes out worse is truly anyone’s guess.
Honestly, I sometimes find myself exasperated by readers who have no understanding of this logic of conducting oneself well.
For instance, a female reader once came to me for a destiny chart (ming pan) reading, and was stunned by the precision of my analysis and guidance.
I clearly laid out for her what was coming in her wealth fortune and romance fortune (tao hua yun), along with the corresponding timing — and everything came to pass.
Her best friend then sought me out by reputation. The moment this friend arrived, her very first words were: “Master Chi, since you have such a benevolent heart and read the chart for my good friend, you might as well read mine too — it’s just a small thing, no trouble at all.”
I then asked the original reader whether her best friend was a somewhat… naive person.
The reader replied with a helpless sigh: “Yes, she heard you were accurate, and without even asking me to introduce her, she just tried to contact you directly. She’s in her early thirties but really is quite childish. Master Chi, just ignore her.”
A person in their early thirties, described as childish and naive.
You understand — that is a very polite way to put it.
And I firmly believe that the deepest pits this woman has ever fallen into in her life have all been of her own making, rooted in how she conducts herself with others.
Later, when I met with the reader again, she mentioned her friend in passing — and sure enough, well into her thirties, not a single career achievement, no marriage in sight, and a social circle as thin as watery broth, consisting of only a handful of friends from school days.
Life had not gone well for her at all. And yet she remained remarkably self-confident.
In the end, look around you. Every person with truly excellent connections —
Are they not someone who knows when to bow their head, seizes opportunities with skill, and understands how to win people’s hearts?
Upper-tier connections become your ladder. Mid-tier connections become your resources. Lower-tier connections become your support base. Even when you hit the hardest wall, combining all of these will allow you to regroup quickly.
Conversely, if you have none of these connections — then no matter how talented you are, you won’t be able to accomplish anything.
Because even if you’re a genius, you still need a stage for people to witness your abilities. If no one gives you that stage — sorry, go admire yourself alone in a corner.
This is also why, when reading a destiny chart, I pay particularly close attention to the friendship palace.
Because it is the palace that opens up your circumstances — the key to turning your fate around.
Once you identify the right moment for that reversal, you can seize the ladder heaven has handed you and climb upward, step by step.
So at its core, what is being tested is still whether you’ve truly grasped the trick of conducting yourself well in the world — and how deeply you’ve internalized it.
A year ago, a man also in his thirties came to me seeking a chart reading.
He had worked diligently for over a decade and was still living an unremarkable, ordinary life. But when I looked at his chart, it showed the classic Liang Chang Lu formation — an excellent foundation.
Then I looked more closely, and sure enough — his friendship palace was troubled.
With the root cause identified, the immediate goal was clear: focus on building the right key connections. And indeed, one year later — today — a promotion, marriage prospects, and wealth fortune all arrived at once. Three blessings at the door.
You see, sometimes walking out of a difficult period is just that simple and direct.